Domine, quo vadis?

In the Dominican Breviary, first Vespers of the Holy Apostles Peter and Paul has the following Magnificat antiphon, which retells the famous legend of how, when St Peter thought to flee Rome at the Neronian Persecution, he met the Lord at the outskirts of the City, Who appeared carrying His Cross:.

As so often in confusion Peter had asked the Lord what He was doing during His earthly life, again he asked Him, Lord, whither goest Thou? and received the Divine reply, Peter, I go to be crucified again.   

At this implied rebuke, the Apostle turned and returned to Rome, there to endure death as a true witness for Christ, acting as should the disciple sent by so good a Master, taking up the Cross from Him, the Cross that he almost refused, but which the Lord as it were determined to carry for him.

Beatus Petrus Apostolus vidit sibi Christum occurrere, et adorans eum ait: Domine, quo vadis?  Venio Romam iterum crucifigi.

(Blessed Peter the Apostle beheld Christ to come to him, and worshipping Him said: Lord, whither goest Thou?  I go to Rome to be crucified again.)

This beautiful and significant incident, many times retold down the ages since its first appearance in the apocryphal Acts of Peter (late second century), tells us much about our Christian witness – if we cannot endure, the Lord strengthens us, since in true it is He Who bears our burdens and carries our afflictions.  The blood of the Martyrs is the seed of Christians only because it is Christ Who works in them, His members, Who suffers in them, that their mortal labours be of immortal merit for the building up of His Body, the Church.

There still exists a church built on the reputed site of this event.

Peter and Judas

Of set purpose St Peter and Judas the traitor are contrasted: for if the second betrayed Him, the first denied Him, and only in their subsequent reactions lies the key to their far-differing fates: St Peter wept for his sins, repented in hope, and was forgiven; Judas revolted at his crime, but his sorrowful despair led to suicide and eternal death.  St Philip Neri had a curious but significant aspiration, "Trust me not, Lord, for this day I will betray Thee" - meaning that we all sin, the just man seven times a day, and in the words of the Apostle, let him who stands take heed lest he fall, pride coming afore it, and a haughty spirit before destruction: rather in lowliness let us grieve our unhappy state, trusting not in ourselves but in the Redeemer Who pardons every crime if once we turn back to Him with the intent not to sin again.  Better to fall and get up a thousand times, each time trusting in the newness of the Lord's mercies, relying upon His strength when we fear to fail, than utterly to despair and turn away from God, suffering the unpardonable sin against the Holy Ghost that is final impenitence, whose secret root is pride in folly, and refusal to believe in divine Omnipotence.  The tragedy of Judas is that he believed far too much of himself, and far too little of the Lord; whereas St Peter threw himself upon the mercy of Christ, and blossomed in grace evermore.

These thoughts are with me; their seed was planted earlier, but seem fitting for this Spy Wednesday (as the Irish call it), when Judas betrayed Our Innocent Saviour.  In preparation for the Triduum, I went to confession again, confessing the same old sins - but remembering the words retold me by a priest who had said to his confessor that he was grieved to always come back with the same troubles, and was reminded that at least he hadn't any new sins to include in the list!  My confessor (a kindly retired priest) simply had me trust in the Lord, Whom we fete this week as our Redeemer, and to pray for Him to come, that we might be Christ to others, and encourage others to do likewise.