How to hold a
Septuagesima Eve or Farewell Alleluia Party
Septuagesima
Eve is the lychgate of Lent – that way station marking entry into the
churchyard, ere on Ash Wednesday we pass through the very portal of the church
into Quadragesima Abbey, as it were, where for forty days and nights we will
redouble our penances and in monkish wise undertake ascetic exercises,
cloistering our souls from the busy world till the happy day of Resurrection.
Now a lychgate,
as all men know, is a gate overshadowed by a roof, symbolic of Him Who is the
Gate of the sheepfold, Himself overshadowed by the Holy Ghost, whereto a body
brought for burial is carried, and the first part of the funeral conducted,
before it is brought into the church. Hence, when as at first Vespers of
Septuagesima the Alleluia is laid aside, in a manner its death is to be
represented – just as the corpse, in shroud y-wrapt, ought be plonked down in
the lychgate.
Moreover, a
wake ought be held, for to mourn dead Alleluia (dear maiden), and, to prevent
enormities, Alleluia ought be buried straightway. For this reason, on
Septuagestima Eve, Alleluia is buried after Vespers; and, both before and after
these affecting services, cocktails in the liturgical colours ought be served
nearby.
Before the
obsequies, as suitably accoutred guests arrive for this devotional pastime, the
gracious host ought present each one with a green cocktail to fittingly conclude
Epiphany-tide. It is not permitted to colour the drink with green food
colouring – note in particular that green-tinted Guinness is an abomination,
and one reserved in any case for St Patrick’s Day. Instead, cunning
combinations of sundry decoctions, liqueurs and elixirs are to be employed. This
verdant beverage, and all subsequent top-ups, should be consumed before the
commencement of First Vespers of Septuagesima.
One
should wait
until all guests arrive before starting Vespers; it is most disruptive
to have
people scrabbling for chairs and music, and attempting to join in psalms
half-way through. Note that, if the land be laid under interdict, the
doors must be closed, and the Office recited on a low note; which will
somewhat dampen the spirit of the occasion.
For Vespers, a mediæval chapel (Gothic or Romanesque) is required (every home
should have one), or at least a large space, fittingly tricked out, with two rows
of chairs facing each other. Do not use narrow hallways: otherwise there can be
the risk of accidental concussion at every Gloria Patri. While purists
may gasp in horror, it is suggested that the two choirs be mixed (with men and
women on each side), lest the volume be too unequal.
It is
preferable, whether there be a permanent or temporary chapel, to celebrate
Vespers before a dressed and decorated altar (eastward facing) upon which the
requisite number of lit candles burn. The Alleluia should be hung on the altar
front for all to observe clearly. If no medieval tapestry is available, a large
piece of cardboard, made to resemble parchment, with the Alleluia y-writ
thereon in clearly visible lettering (employing a flowing font with serifs) will
suffice, and may be attached to the altar with concealed tape if no hooks are provided.
Benedicamus Domino with doubled Alleluia having been
sung, and Vespers concluded with the Fidelium
animæ (or, if a bishop be present, after he has imparted his
blessing – if several prelates be present, the highest-ranking blesses
unless suspended a divinis),
immediately two or four of the youngest present (juniores priores) approach the altar, make due reverence, detach
the Alleluia in comely fashion, and gently lay it flat, text facing up, on the
waiting bier, which has been prepared earlier.
Carrying their
cargo with deserved decorum, these bearers then lead a funereal procession out
from the chapel, through the house, and around the garden to the grave prepared
(which must have been suitably decorated with purple flowers, and supplied with
a handy pile of stones nearby). Meanwhile all sing the hymn Alleluia dulce carmen, preferably in polyphony,
repeating its verses as necessary until Alleluia be buried into the grave.
Having
assembled at the graveside, the officiant first rolls up the Alleluia if
necessary, then with sober deportment deposits it into a coffin or other apt
receptacle. After sealing this, he lowers it into the grave. All present then
process past this resting place of dead Alleluia, each one laying a stone on
top as they pass, thus building a cairn while still singing. All depart the
grave in solemn silence after a most liturgical pause.
Following the
obsequies, as expeditiously as possible, the host and his attendants (as it
were the celebrant and his ministers) should make and distribute purple
cocktails to the guests. On no account are any left-over green cocktails to be
consumed, under pain of serious sin and excommunication reserved to the
Apostolic See. Nonetheless, exceptions to this rule are allowed for those who
are allergic to the purple cocktail; or those who are only permitted one
alcoholic beverage and who arrived too late to finish their drink before
Vespers; or those holding a Papal indult or immemorial privilege: no others.
During the
mixing these purple cocktails, it is fitting for guests to retire and shed
their green garments in favour of purple ones, if possible. Men of limited
imagination may choose simply to change their neck tie. Since the liturgical portion
of the evening has been completed (as Compline will be recited in private),
guests may innocently disport themselves henceforth as befits any polite social
gathering, taking care to remember that utterance of the ‘A’ word is strictly
forbidden.